Tough Times

Things have been really tough in our household. We were excitedly anticipating sharing the exciting news with family and friends that we were expecting #2 during Christmastime. We started trying in October and with great success, again, I got my positive pregnancy test on Halloween. We were both thrilled, could not wait to have another sweet baby in our family. E was even talking about the baby, when he'd see the first sonogram picture he'd exclaim,"BABY!" We ordered an adorable shirt for E to wear to announce to everyone that he was going to be a big brother. It all changed last Wednesday. We were scheduled for our second sonogram. At 7:45am we left our house happy and excited to see the sweet pea bouncing around. At 8am we went into the sonogram room and the tech was very quiet. Having had one child already, we kind of know what to look for. We both knew something was wrong because we couldn't see the little flicker of the heartbeat like we had a few weeks earlier. The tech kept trying to find it, almost frantically. Every time she did, it was a flat line. Nothing. She asked me to hold my breath, that maybe she could find it that way. We tried this, in vane, for 5 attempts. Flat line, after flat line, until I broke down sobbing. Nothing anyone can say can prepare you for such a terrible moment in time. Nothing. I was quickly scheduled for a D & C the next morning, and honestly don't remember much from the conversation I had with our Doctor because I was numb and in shock. The surgery went well, and we came home. I was sidelined by how serious the surgery was and how I was now going through the full grieving process. We were both pretty defeated on Thursday. Lots of crying and questions. On Friday, I decided that for the first time in my life, I wasn't able to pull it together. It scared/s the crap outta me. Brian keeps assuring me that I am allowed and entitled to feel this way after this ordeal. I have no idea how I am going to get it together to travel cross country in one very short week. I cannot figure out what the heck to do with the sweet pea's first sonogram picture that sits on our kitchen island. I cannot even think about trying to have another baby right now, even though that seems to be everyone favorite thing to tell me. I understand that something was not right and that is why this baby did not survive, please don't tell me that either, because it doesn't make it easier. Bottom line. THIS IS HORRIBLE. I am also surprised at how taboo the subject of miscarriage is for people to talk about. The only joy I find is in my sweet son and amazing husband. They are the reason I get out of bed.  I am also touched by the love our friends have shown us here in Baltimore. We haven't had to cook dinner or lunch and have had lots of goodies dropped off, which has made life easier.Writing about this is very therapeutic. I know that this will get better with time. I hope that we do eventually get to have another healthy, beautiful child. For now, we are going to take some time to heal. We'd appreciate all the love and support you can give us during this hard time. xox

Playdate!

Friday, we had a play date with some of my girlfriends and their babies/toddlers. I have had the pleasure of knowing these ladies pre-children and my the fun we would have! We love getting together catching up, letting the kids tear apart toys, and then we ALWAYS line them up for a pic. It doesn't matter who is crying or if someone doesn't want to cooperate, we make it happen. Here is the progression of lineups from the last 20 months, enjoy!

The original two

E, C, and A

E, C , and A

E,A,C and baby C!

haha, no one is amused here

clowing around this Friday! These kiddos are SO BIG!

I look forward to many, many more line ups! It's always a good time with these cuties! xoxo

O' Christmas Tree, O' Christmas Tree!

I hope that everyone's Thanksgiving was great! We enjoyed our turkey day with some close friends here in Baltimore. It was relaxing, calm, and the Ravens won! On Friday, we held to our annual tradition of going to the Festival of the Trees. We picked up BB and trucked on over. We were all pretty excited since E was big enough to really get into all of the trees, rides, and decorations. My goodness did he! We was so so excited to see all of the trees! Lots of OOOH's. There was even a performance by Milkshake (a kids music band) E rocked out on top of daddy's shoulders in order to get a good look at the stage. He rode lots of rides, thanks to BB spoiling him rotten. He even got to see Santa. E was not a huge fan of Santa, was actually really shy around him. It was pretty funny. No crying or freaking out, just shy. We decided to call it a day when we saw that E could barely keep his eyes open. He fell asleep the second he hit the car seat. All of the beautiful decorations motivated me to put away all the fall decorations and bust out Christmas in full gear. The only thing missing is a tree, and I think we'll go get ours next weekend! XOXO

These two and the train garden, they could have stayed all day!

YAY! Milkshake!

Carousel

Train ride, every time he'd wave I'd miss the pic...grrr!



E: "Uh, I do not know you but you are kinda strange"



Loving every moment of the pony ride

Out like a light!

Me and My Boys

Since Ferrous' surgery, we have limited our time away from home for obvious reasons. Today I decided that I had to take E on a special expedition because he has been such a good boy with all the change the last two weeks. Problem, the weather was crap today. Freezing cold, windy, and with occasional drizzle. Nothing outdoors, which is E's fav. So I was thinking of places we hadn't been to in a while. I decided on Storyville, it's an interactive children's area in the Rosedale Baltimore County Library. Best part, its FREE. It is always so well maintained, clean, and so so fun. I explained to Ferrous he'd be OK for a few hours and we bundled up and headed out. E had a blast!

and...off E went!

Shopping for produce

Rock, rock, rock the boat!

Climbing through the log tunnel

Watching his gear masterpiece at work

Firefighter hats make this project work!

After about an hour and a half, we decided to break for lunch. We headed out to meet E's BB (godmother) for lunch. We had a great lunch and came home just in time for nap time. Ferrous was frazzled but not too bad. I put E down, and not 5 minutes later, he jumped out of his crib!!! He didn't hurt himself, just got scared then started playing with his toys. I went in picked him up, checked his extremities for any injuries, and had a talk about needing a nap and staying in his crib till mommy or daddy come. I then placed him back in the crib, and he was NOT HAPPY. He decided to complain (not screaming, just making noises and talking) for an hour and a half till he finally fell asleep. Of course by the time he fell asleep, I was an hour and 15 minutes away from needing to wake him up to take Ferrous to the vet for his staples to be removed and an EKG. Awesome. I woke E up at the necessary time and he was in a pleasant mood, shockingly! I packed up Ferrous and E and we trucked over to the vets. I dropped E off at our dear friend, Hugh's house so I wouldn't have to micro manage a toddler and a neurotic dog. I then had to take poor Ferrous back to the place that cut him open, as he saw it. Prior to this, Ferrous thought that vet's offices were the equivalent of happy hour. This time he had doggie PTSD. He was trembling, and begging to get out of the door. He made some friends in the waiting room which helped, even though they were the size of his paw. Vet gave Ferrous a clean bill of health, and took out the staples. We ran outta there and headed back to Hugh's to pick up E. I walked in to Hugh's house to see this:

budding pianist?

He apparently had a great time! We said our goodbyes and I put E back in the car. Ferrous was seated next to him. As I was getting on the expressway, E started to giggle and scream. I look back in my rear view mirror only to see Ferrous laying his huge head right across E's lap. I might have started crying. I am so so very thankful that Ferrous is OK and survived this whole ordeal. I am also thankful for my beautiful son who makes everyday so much brighter, no matter the challenge. I love my boys. I cannot wait for my husband to get back in town so that ALL of my boys are in the same place.  xoxo

Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See?

Every night, we have the same bedtime routine. Dinner, bath, books, and bed. It has been like this since E was teeny, like maybe a month or two old. E's favorite part of this routine are the books. This boy loves to read! Brian and I always joke that we are going to threaten to take his books away if he's bad when he gets older. Tonight after splashing like a mad man in the bath, I got E changed into his PJ's and he then crawled into the rocking chair and was reading to Sockey (his sock monkey). Here are the pics I snapped, I love this boy!
xoxo

Pointing out the animals

Snuggling in to Sockey

Reading to Sockey

There is no place like home

Today was the day. FINALLY. As I type this, I have a big blue dog's head in my lap. He is sound asleep and very happy to be in his home. When we put him in the car he looked at us, and laid his head on the seat like, phew. E was screaming and giggling the whole way home. We are fully prepared to face the weekend ahead of possibly waking up like we did when E was brand new. No complaints here. We are happy to have Ferrous home, and our family complete. Thanks to everyone who sent texts, called, sent cards, ect. Ferrous papa is a well loved boy. xoxox

Pupdate

So the last few days have been crazy. On Monday night, Ferrous started having some heart issues, an irregular heartbeat and what the vet calls VCT's. They gave him some meds to help the issues. They also tried to feed him and he wanted no part of it. We went to visit Tuesday morning and he kinda perked up. We were unable to get him to eat anything - which is bizarre. We were telling the vet we were shocked that they didn't find a tire or other strange objects in his stomach when they did the surgery. The dog loves his food, just not post surgery and while in doggie ICU. Tuesday night, I talked to the vet again, and heart problems were the same, and he encouraged me to make Ferrous' favorite food. So I made some chicken and rice and rushed down to see if I could get him to eat. The nurse told me he had been trying to bust out of his cage (YAY- there is that spark) and was really restless during his EKG. So, they had to sedate him. So he decided to try and throw himself on my lap and went to sleep. Not at all interested in the chicken. The nurse then told me that his veins were blown from the IV's and that they tried to find a new vein, but were not having any luck. So they were going to start administering oral meds for everything. This morning E and I went to visit and Ferrous was a million times better than yesterday! He came to meet us in the waiting room and was wagging his knob like crazy. We went in the room and E was quick to give him a huge hug and kiss, then tried to jump on his back - which we put to a quick stop. The vet explained that if the oral meds started to work, Ferrous could go home tonight!!! Well, I just got off the phone with the vet and Ferrous and his VCTs got worse. They had to find a vein and put him back on a lydocane drip. They are also giving him potassium to see if that will help with the lydocane. As of now, it looks like F-papa is in for another night. SIGH. Not a happy mama. Hopefully tomorrow will be the day.

XOXO

Dogs are not our whole lives....

Dogs are not our whole lives but they make our lives whole. ~ Roger Carras

A dog and his boy

Ferrous Blue, our crazy beloved weim was acting really funny last night. We had got home from a lovely dinner with friends, put E to bed, and we were getting ready for the big game. Ferrous was retching and restless, and his stomach was large and distended. Brian and I didn't even hesitate - I yelled for Brian to take him to the Pet ER and I'd call him with directions.  Those were all the tell tale signs of bloat. Bloat is when a dogs stomach is twisted into a figure 8 and can cause a host of problems. Weims are super prone to it, so we have been pretty educated on key symptoms and what to do. It has a 50% mortality rate. It is very very scary. Brian had to have driven like a formula racer, because he arrived not to long after I called the ER to tell them Ferrous was coming and we were pretty certain it was bloat. They rushed him to x-ray to see the extent of the torsion. They determined it was going to require emergency surgery and that they needed to stabilize him before they could do anything. Ferrous has a lot of "spirit" and was not too happy to be feeling so uncomfortable. By this time it was 10pm. They didn't get him stabilized till after 12am. The surgery went really well, and we caught the bloat super early so there was no dead tissue or spleen damage. He was woke up at around 5:30 am. We talked to the vet and she assured us he was doing well, but that things were going to be tricky because of the chance of toxemia which is noted by an irregular heart beat. We were also told we could see him at noon. E woke up and was not happy that Ferrous was not home. I took E to school trying to get my mind off of everything. E had a blast with his buds and if was nice to see my BMF's. We then hopped in the car and met Brian at the ER. We then got to go into an exam room to see Ferrous for a little bit. So Brian and I went in expecting to see Ferrous a little out of it and in pain post op, but still cognisant of his surroundings and his parents! We got the complete opposite. He was is pretty severe pain, really uncomfortable, and not very sure who we were. It was heavy realization that he is doing a lot worse than we thought, and the recovery from this surgery was going to be really tough. We laid with him and tried to snuggle him and he fell asleep. The vet tech came in and was talking us through the next 12 hours. Ferrous kept laying his head in her hands. That made me feel very good. They were buddies. They then took him away, and E started crying...shouting Ferrous over and over again :(. We came home and all took a marathon nap. I just got off the phone with the Vet and he is sedated because he was so "spirted" and he has not eaten like they hoped he would. The house is very quiet, the couch in our family room is lacking a large blue snuggler in between Brian and I, and E is trying very hard to figure out where his buddy is. Ferrous papa is our papa. We picked him out at birth, and he thinks he's people - not a dog. I love him and hate him being away from us. Please send some healing thoughts to papa. He needs 'em big time.

baby Ferrous

Ferrous in the Chesapeake

Happy Holloween!

Big day today, its a school day and Halloween! We had a class party today, and since we were out last week Sarah signed me up for cookies. I was pumped and immediately started looking for a perfect cookie recipe. Last night E's godmother (BB) and I got cracking and turned out these super cute cookie pops!

We got to school and it was a ton of fun to see all the cuties running around! E makes a pretty cute lil monkey. I would even say he is a cheeky monkey! Enjoy the pics from school and Happy Halloween! xoxo

E enjoying some bus time

E and A looking angelic in the sunlight!

E and N being sillies

all the littles in the same place!

E, N, and C enjoying the party food

Capt. E Monkey

Wordless Wednesday

I have been dying to try wordless Wednesdays after seeing it on my friend's blog! We have been MIA for the last week due to a crazy run of illness that hit the Schuster household this weekend. We are all on the mend. E and Ferrous really have become super buddies. Being home the last few days, it really has been fun to watch them together. They remind me a lot of Calvin and Hobbs! Enjoy the pics of E and Ferrous enjoying some snacks. Love these boys.

Neighbor Buddies

Today when E woke up from his nap, our neighbors asked if we would like to go to the park. We bundled up a little and headed out. It is very blustery and kinda chilly out, we are definitely in the depths of fall. We headed out with some bread for the ducks and snacks for E. It was such a beautiful walk to the park; all the leaves changing, the overcast sky, and beautiful scenery. We laughed and fed the ducks till the bread ran dry then headed over to the playground and ran around with the kids.  Faye and I caught up in between chasing the kids. Brian and Ferrous met us in the park on our way out, much to E's delight. Sophie brought along her poodle suitcase, because she couldn't leave home without it. E had a blast toting that suitcase around, even had some people stop and comment about how excited and entertained he was. We might have to look into getting him his own for the trip to Texas for the holidays. Enjoy the pics of E and his buddies, such a fun fall evening! XOXOX

feeding the ducks!

E: I love this weather, perfect for feeding ducks

So exciting!

E's adventures with Sophie's poodle suitcase

E working on his pull up and slide combos

playing chase already

bounce!

Sharing very nicely!

Cutie Sophie!

Banana Nut Muffins, YUM!

So, yesterday E was tromping around in the kitchen and went to the shelves and pointed to the Kitchenaid and said, "Mix!". I asked him if he wanted to cook with mama, to which he responded a firm YES. So when he went down for his nap, I started looking for inspiration. I have a few browning bananas and they were the perfect ingredient! So I gathered all the ingredients and preheated the oven. I did some other household chores and when E woke up, we were bakers! He was so so so excited when he saw the mixer and all the ingredients. We got right to work. Complete with a bakers hat, but of course! Enjoy the pics! xoxo

Mixing dry ingredients

"Woah!"

The walnuts passed E's taste test

Carefully putting the muffin batter in the cups

Hamming it up during an apple break!

Silly boy