Finding Christmas

Yesterday afternoon, when E woke up from his nap, he asked me immediately to put on his shoes. When I inquired as to why, he told me that we needed to leave. I then asked him why he wanted to leave and he  told me, "Mama, I want to find Christmas!". Wow. So do I, right?! I became the most excited parent! I hauled some boxes of decorations out of the basement and we put up some decorations, listening and talking all about Christmas the whole time. So, today we had a day FULL of Christmas. We went to the train garden and celebrated Nate's 3rd birthday with a pizza lunch and cupcakes! We even got a peek of Santa. Then, when Brian came home, we all made a family outing to the inner harbor to see the fat man himself. E was excited to talk to him, but not so sure of sitting on his lap. So E sat on my lap, and Santa stood next to us. Santa even let E touch his beard! He told Santa what he wanted for Christmas, and then we were on our way. We walked over to see the "It's A Waterfront Life" laser, light, and firework spectacular. It was pretty amazing! We then grabbed some dinner, had a little play session in Pierce's Park, and then we went home singing some "Jingle Bells" and "Little Drummer Boy" on the way. It makes me very excited that E is so in the holiday spirit! It is going to be a great Christmas :). Enjoy some pics from the day! xoxo

Amazement!

The railroad crossing was a fave

Lunch with buddies

Santa, Mama, & E

Silly boys

So amazing!

The boys playing in the moonlight

Thankful

Thanksgiving week is upon us and I am getting ready for us to host our "urban family" for the occasion. Our dear friends are also coming to stay with us for the holiday, all the way from Houston!  Amid the cleaning and prepping service for 16; I have really found myself reflecting about our lives and what I am thankful for.  I even have E in on the thinking about what he is thankful for. His thanks are pretty stinking hilarious. E was saying he was thanksgiving for his buddy sharing his goldfish crackers with him. I told him friends and family that share and care about you are the best, and we certainly do have some amazing friends and family that have gone above and beyond for us. Especially when they share goldfish.  Then as he was getting dressed, he looked down at my belly, gave it a big smooch (something he loves to do these days) and said, "I am thanksgiving for (the) baby in your belly." I told him I was very thankful for our healthy little baby, that is kicking away and growing big and strong. Tears fell from my face, it doesn't get any sweeter, y'all. Darn preggo hormones! So much to be thankful for but I am most thankful for my sweet little family and our amazing family and friends. Happy Thanksgiving! xoxo

A Day Pumpkin Picking!

This weekend, we made a trip out to the country to Larriland Farm to go pumpkin picking. It was quite the occasion, being as E was super pumped to actually be going to a pumpkin patch. It was a beautiful fall day, complete with the fall foliage in full glory. E picked out his very own pumpkin and lugged it back to his cart. We picked out another one to make sure we had two for the entry to the house. We even had a chance to enjoy some fresh apple fritters and some apple cider. E and Daddy also got to feed the goats. It was a fabulous day, enjoy the pics!

Vacation Hangover

We are in the throws of vacation hangover. Sigh. We just got back from a fantastic beach week! Complete with sandcastles, lounging, and the most stressful part of the day being what toys to pack for the beach. I even got some retail therapy in during nap time a few days. The weather was nice, brisk in the early morning and sunset but nice and sunny during the day. We had one day where a storm was coming and it was too windy to be on the beach, but we walked around the downtown area to make up for it! Tons of pictures to share, but here are some of my favs! xoxo

Handsome boys!

 

<3

sunset stroll

Chasing Seagulls

Flying kites with Auntie Dennis

 Chasing the kites

Beach Bliss

Smash the sandcastle

After dinner ice cream on the boardwalk

First Day of Preschool

E started preschool, like all by himself, real school. We have read a ton of books, talked about what is going to happen, and the school even had a week of half-day sessions. He loves his teachers, has some good buddies in class, and even asks me to go to school all the time. So I was not tremendously worried about the transition, until this weekend. We have a carpool lane, so the teachers come and get him out of the car and take him in. So, I was terrified as to what was going to transpire. What if he screams bloody murder, or worse what if he has a melt down - which is SUPER rare. We arrived at school and he was so excited, then Mrs. G came and got him. He kept asking if I was coming with him. My heartstrings tugged hard. I told him no, that he was going to school with Mrs. G and all of his friends. He whimpered, she took him into class. I pulled to the stop sign, tears filled my eyes. Being preggo and doing this whole school thing makes for one emotional mama! I decided he would be fine, and decided to go set forth and enjoy my two and a half hours of me time. I called in just to make sure he was fine, the director kept assuring me he was great and he was fine the second he got into the classroom. Relieved, but somewhat embarrassed that I was the loser parent that called! I went shopping, found a fun new purse, and some other goodies. I went to the little shops right by school, and went to school around 15 minutes before dismissal. The parents at this school are fantastic, so friendly and its very easy to sit and chat. I was pleased to know that I was not the only parent who called! They started bringing the kids out, and E came out with the most adorable smile. In his hand he was holding his first craft project. I picked him up and gave him a kiss, and he exclaimed "You found me! I knew you'd be back!" How do you not love that! Enjoy some pictures! xoxo

 

 

 

Some news!

Pretty stinking excited! I was a nervous wreck for the entirety of the first trimester. A special thanks to some amazing friends, an extremely patient and understanding hubby, and sweet faced boy. Without them, I would have lost my mind! Everything looks great, a healthy little bean that bounces around every time we get a peek. Strong heartbeat and super cute profile, that looks so different from E's! Here's to hoping we have an uneventful, happy, and healthy pregnancy!  xoxo

State Fair

On Wednesday, we met up with all of our besties for a day at the state fair. A day of animals, petting a few, watching some chicks hatch, eating some fair food, and of course riding some tractors. All in all we all had a blast! Enjoy some pics! xoxo

Turkeys

Cuties

Max the calf

Hay Maze Hijinx

Tractor Rally

Ooh, sooo pretty

Ice Cream to cool off!

Shades

A few days ago, the weather was perfect, low 80's and a light breeze. E and I trekked to Pierce's Playground in the heart of downtown Baltimore. We played and I snapped some pretty adorable pictures of E. He is developing this personality that cracks me up. For example, he asked for his shades when we got to the park and his Curious George firetruck. Both never left him the entire time.
Neither did his fantastic smile! We then met up with a good friend for lunch, all three of us having a blast! Enjoy these pics! xoxo

Anyone There?

Well, hello! I have been so busy the last month and a half that I have been a blog delinquent! So let me catch y'all up on whats happening. First off, the tests did determine the cause of our issues maintaining a pregnancy. I have Hashimotos Disease, a thyroid disease. My thyroid hormones are way out of whack and my body is producing antibodies to attack my thyroid. Each of those two factors increases your risk for miscarriage. I was put into the care of a fabulous Endocrinologist, who has assured me this is really common and really easy to regulate. So I am taking my medication and getting my levels monitored every four weeks. I already feel a huge difference! Happy we have a reason and its an easy "fix"!

The Schuster's have had a few weeks of summer R&R; including a camping trip, a beach trip, and a cabin trip! That is some serious family fun.  One of those weeks I had my teenage nieces in town! Two mothers helpers! It was glorious! Not to mention E LOOOOVED his cousins to pieces. E conquered his fear of fireworks on the Fourth. When we were at the cabin, E logged some serious time at the golf course with daddy. The camping trip was fun, as we were right on the beach. It was really hot so beach time was nice to break the heat. All in all, we have been soaking up the summer sun! I promise I will be better about posting :).  Keep your eye out for a picture dump post coming soon! xoxox

Oh Insomnia...you stink.

So its been a while since I checked in, so I thought I'd catch up a bit. I had my follow up appointment and it was depressing but good. We got the "you won the crap lotto" analogy. Less than 5% of couples go on to have a recurrent miscarriage. They don't write big cardboard checks for this one. The pro is we have no problem actually getting pregnant. I, just for some reason, out of nowhere, cannot carry a baby to term. So, I get to become a lab rat for a month. A ton of blood work in a few weeks to see if there are any discrepancies in a million different areas. If that comes up normal than they will start testing to see if there is something wrong with my lady parts. Hooray.  I have had so much blood work the last few weeks that I am actually overcoming my horrendous fear of needles, shocker. I don't pass out anymore, I just get sweaty palms from getting anxious. Much better. The kicker, my doctor was quite frank about the possibility that we might not get much from the results. So that is that.

I have my moments of feeling pretty damn sorry for myself. I also feel like people avoid me because they don't know what to say anymore. I have a handful of friends, my parents, and my loving husband who have been super supportive. Thank goodness. I also have a little blond headed sweet love of a boy who lights up my days. Yesterday, E told me, "I'll eat you up I love you so!" I might have cried for about 5 minutes after. So much so, he kept asking me what was wrong. I told him I was so happy to have such a sweet boy. Later that very same day; with my hair a mess, soaked from the rain, and exhausted; he told me that I was a pretty mama. Goodness. I cried again. I might have taken him right upstairs to his room, sat in the rocking chair, and snuggled with him.  What kills me is the asking for a sister. Weekly. I hope that one day we can make that happen. ONE DAY, hopefully not to long from now.

 I am constantly struggling with this path that we have been led down. The not fairs and the how comes have been pretty brutal the last few days. The whys are such sneaky jerks. They have consumed me to the point of insomnia. How fun, right? One day, this week, Brian and I were in the guest room talking, and eventually fell asleep. I actually fell asleep. So Brian quietly got up turned off the lights and we slept in the guest room that night.  He didn't want to wake me because it was the first time in a while I was sleeping at a reasonable time. What the heck? I think my body just crashed it was so tired.

I just cannot turn it off. Thinking about us having the conversation about how many miscarriages we are willing to go through before we call off trying? Or how about the when and at what point do you want to adopt convo. WTH. I feel horribly isolated. I feel like everyone thinks this is easy and I should just get over it and get pregnant again. So, what is a girl to do? I look online for answers. TERRIBLE IDEA. I have read some scary crap. Brian has forbade me from google searches that pertain to infertility and recurrent miscarriage. I know, I am my own worst enemy. I hate feeling this way. It is not who I am. AT. ALL.

I am trying to get used to the new normal of this all. I have so much that is fabulous in my life that I do not want you to think that I am ungrateful. I am not in any way. I just want to add to my perfect little family. I want to give E his little sister/brother. I want him to know the fun of having a sibling :).
I better let you go, its almost 1am, I should try and sleep :) xoxo

Its Always Darkest Before the Dawn....

Pardon my absence. It has been one hell of a week. I have been debating about how to deal- three glasses of wine and some pretty good depressing music lead me right here to write. So, here we go. I had another miscarriage. ANOTHER. Two in six months. Back to back. Right when we were actually getting excited that we were going to have another baby. The first one was shitty enough. The second, well, you do the math. I feel like a failure. I feel like there is no hope. I sit here barren and emotionally empty. I feel like a freak. I wish I knew why and how.  I am happy to have the warmth of my husband's arms and the kind words of friends and family to help heal us. I thank the sun, moon, and stars for the PERFECT son and flawless pregnancy we have had.  The Schusters need a ton of love, please send it our way. Healing from this is going to be tough. Here's to hoping that its always darkest before the dawn. xoxo

Sunrise at Old Hilltop

Today I woke up at 5:45am, something I haven't done in ages or since E was a teeny babe. Why would I do such a crazy thing?! Well, Sarah invited us to a morning tour Pimlico. Right at the height of Preakness fever! Brian even came with! It was so amazing to see the horses warming up, and getting baths.  Bob Baffert gave us a little speech about his horse Bodemiester and his hopes to win at Preakness. We also got to hear from the owner of the Derby winner, I'll Have Another. I have to say, Bob Baffert was much more of a likable guy. We even got to see the Budweiser Clydesdales, so beautiful. The jockey locker room was interesting and let me say those guys are amazing. Hearing some stories from the guy who runs the locker room was pretty entertaining. E even got his own set of jockey goggles! We made it back to the grandstands just in time to see I'll Have Another warming up. The kiddos were loving every minute of the tractor that was grooming the track, with their little noses pressed to the fence. We decided to go and grab some yummy bagels, since it was only 9am after all. It was a fabulous morning, enjoy the pics! xoxox

B and E at the Stakes Barn

Clydesdales

I'll Have Another

Bob Baffert

Friends!

Cuties!

Some of my favorite littles and bigs!

Jockeys Locker Room

Where the heck are we?! (the locker room)

Handsome (at the bagel place)