First Day of Preschool

E started preschool, like all by himself, real school. We have read a ton of books, talked about what is going to happen, and the school even had a week of half-day sessions. He loves his teachers, has some good buddies in class, and even asks me to go to school all the time. So I was not tremendously worried about the transition, until this weekend. We have a carpool lane, so the teachers come and get him out of the car and take him in. So, I was terrified as to what was going to transpire. What if he screams bloody murder, or worse what if he has a melt down - which is SUPER rare. We arrived at school and he was so excited, then Mrs. G came and got him. He kept asking if I was coming with him. My heartstrings tugged hard. I told him no, that he was going to school with Mrs. G and all of his friends. He whimpered, she took him into class. I pulled to the stop sign, tears filled my eyes. Being preggo and doing this whole school thing makes for one emotional mama! I decided he would be fine, and decided to go set forth and enjoy my two and a half hours of me time. I called in just to make sure he was fine, the director kept assuring me he was great and he was fine the second he got into the classroom. Relieved, but somewhat embarrassed that I was the loser parent that called! I went shopping, found a fun new purse, and some other goodies. I went to the little shops right by school, and went to school around 15 minutes before dismissal. The parents at this school are fantastic, so friendly and its very easy to sit and chat. I was pleased to know that I was not the only parent who called! They started bringing the kids out, and E came out with the most adorable smile. In his hand he was holding his first craft project. I picked him up and gave him a kiss, and he exclaimed "You found me! I knew you'd be back!" How do you not love that! Enjoy some pictures! xoxo

 

 

 

Some news!

Pretty stinking excited! I was a nervous wreck for the entirety of the first trimester. A special thanks to some amazing friends, an extremely patient and understanding hubby, and sweet faced boy. Without them, I would have lost my mind! Everything looks great, a healthy little bean that bounces around every time we get a peek. Strong heartbeat and super cute profile, that looks so different from E's! Here's to hoping we have an uneventful, happy, and healthy pregnancy!  xoxo

State Fair

On Wednesday, we met up with all of our besties for a day at the state fair. A day of animals, petting a few, watching some chicks hatch, eating some fair food, and of course riding some tractors. All in all we all had a blast! Enjoy some pics! xoxo

Turkeys

Cuties

Max the calf

Hay Maze Hijinx

Tractor Rally

Ooh, sooo pretty

Ice Cream to cool off!

Shades

A few days ago, the weather was perfect, low 80's and a light breeze. E and I trekked to Pierce's Playground in the heart of downtown Baltimore. We played and I snapped some pretty adorable pictures of E. He is developing this personality that cracks me up. For example, he asked for his shades when we got to the park and his Curious George firetruck. Both never left him the entire time.
Neither did his fantastic smile! We then met up with a good friend for lunch, all three of us having a blast! Enjoy these pics! xoxo

Anyone There?

Well, hello! I have been so busy the last month and a half that I have been a blog delinquent! So let me catch y'all up on whats happening. First off, the tests did determine the cause of our issues maintaining a pregnancy. I have Hashimotos Disease, a thyroid disease. My thyroid hormones are way out of whack and my body is producing antibodies to attack my thyroid. Each of those two factors increases your risk for miscarriage. I was put into the care of a fabulous Endocrinologist, who has assured me this is really common and really easy to regulate. So I am taking my medication and getting my levels monitored every four weeks. I already feel a huge difference! Happy we have a reason and its an easy "fix"!

The Schuster's have had a few weeks of summer R&R; including a camping trip, a beach trip, and a cabin trip! That is some serious family fun.  One of those weeks I had my teenage nieces in town! Two mothers helpers! It was glorious! Not to mention E LOOOOVED his cousins to pieces. E conquered his fear of fireworks on the Fourth. When we were at the cabin, E logged some serious time at the golf course with daddy. The camping trip was fun, as we were right on the beach. It was really hot so beach time was nice to break the heat. All in all, we have been soaking up the summer sun! I promise I will be better about posting :).  Keep your eye out for a picture dump post coming soon! xoxox

Oh Insomnia...you stink.

So its been a while since I checked in, so I thought I'd catch up a bit. I had my follow up appointment and it was depressing but good. We got the "you won the crap lotto" analogy. Less than 5% of couples go on to have a recurrent miscarriage. They don't write big cardboard checks for this one. The pro is we have no problem actually getting pregnant. I, just for some reason, out of nowhere, cannot carry a baby to term. So, I get to become a lab rat for a month. A ton of blood work in a few weeks to see if there are any discrepancies in a million different areas. If that comes up normal than they will start testing to see if there is something wrong with my lady parts. Hooray.  I have had so much blood work the last few weeks that I am actually overcoming my horrendous fear of needles, shocker. I don't pass out anymore, I just get sweaty palms from getting anxious. Much better. The kicker, my doctor was quite frank about the possibility that we might not get much from the results. So that is that.

I have my moments of feeling pretty damn sorry for myself. I also feel like people avoid me because they don't know what to say anymore. I have a handful of friends, my parents, and my loving husband who have been super supportive. Thank goodness. I also have a little blond headed sweet love of a boy who lights up my days. Yesterday, E told me, "I'll eat you up I love you so!" I might have cried for about 5 minutes after. So much so, he kept asking me what was wrong. I told him I was so happy to have such a sweet boy. Later that very same day; with my hair a mess, soaked from the rain, and exhausted; he told me that I was a pretty mama. Goodness. I cried again. I might have taken him right upstairs to his room, sat in the rocking chair, and snuggled with him.  What kills me is the asking for a sister. Weekly. I hope that one day we can make that happen. ONE DAY, hopefully not to long from now.

 I am constantly struggling with this path that we have been led down. The not fairs and the how comes have been pretty brutal the last few days. The whys are such sneaky jerks. They have consumed me to the point of insomnia. How fun, right? One day, this week, Brian and I were in the guest room talking, and eventually fell asleep. I actually fell asleep. So Brian quietly got up turned off the lights and we slept in the guest room that night.  He didn't want to wake me because it was the first time in a while I was sleeping at a reasonable time. What the heck? I think my body just crashed it was so tired.

I just cannot turn it off. Thinking about us having the conversation about how many miscarriages we are willing to go through before we call off trying? Or how about the when and at what point do you want to adopt convo. WTH. I feel horribly isolated. I feel like everyone thinks this is easy and I should just get over it and get pregnant again. So, what is a girl to do? I look online for answers. TERRIBLE IDEA. I have read some scary crap. Brian has forbade me from google searches that pertain to infertility and recurrent miscarriage. I know, I am my own worst enemy. I hate feeling this way. It is not who I am. AT. ALL.

I am trying to get used to the new normal of this all. I have so much that is fabulous in my life that I do not want you to think that I am ungrateful. I am not in any way. I just want to add to my perfect little family. I want to give E his little sister/brother. I want him to know the fun of having a sibling :).
I better let you go, its almost 1am, I should try and sleep :) xoxo

Its Always Darkest Before the Dawn....

Pardon my absence. It has been one hell of a week. I have been debating about how to deal- three glasses of wine and some pretty good depressing music lead me right here to write. So, here we go. I had another miscarriage. ANOTHER. Two in six months. Back to back. Right when we were actually getting excited that we were going to have another baby. The first one was shitty enough. The second, well, you do the math. I feel like a failure. I feel like there is no hope. I sit here barren and emotionally empty. I feel like a freak. I wish I knew why and how.  I am happy to have the warmth of my husband's arms and the kind words of friends and family to help heal us. I thank the sun, moon, and stars for the PERFECT son and flawless pregnancy we have had.  The Schusters need a ton of love, please send it our way. Healing from this is going to be tough. Here's to hoping that its always darkest before the dawn. xoxo